Note: This site is still “in progress,” so hopefully in a few days I’ll have the ‘about’ page and stuff finished, but for now I wanted to at least post this!
Starting a blog, and actually updating it more than twice a year, was one of my New Year’s resolutions. Considering it’s June, I either suck at keeping resolutions or I’m just really good at procrastination! (The latter is definitely true). Until now I’ve always had an excuse – a TV show I want to watch, a book I want to read, or “I’m tired. Maybe I’ll go to bed at a decent hour tonight.” But now I’m not letting myself get away with these excuses anymore (the only exception being if I’m out doing something fun, which was a resolution I’ve actually been sticking to a bit more!).
I’ve let fear, of failure and other things, hold me back for too long and now I’m determined to change that. When I was younger my dream career was to be an entertainment journalist. As I got older and saw how much of the information that they report on is fabricated or just based on speculation, I changed my mind. I didn’t feel comfortable helping to spread rumors about people. So, I thought that writing for a TV show would be better. I love TV and I love to write so it sounded prefect. I knew it was a very competitive field though, and I thought, “Why would they hire me? There are probably so many people out there who are better than me.” I took a “safer” route and majored in education. Now, after teaching in some way (TA, substitute, etc.) for seven years (wow, that makes me feel old!) the dream of working in TV/entertainment is still often on my mind and I wish I had pursued it in college. At 25 I convinced myself that I was too old to try to break into the field so I’d just have to stay where I was. Now, at 28, I don’t agree with that. I don’t think there’s a set age that you should stop chasing your dreams. Instead of asking, “Why would they hire me?” now I’m asking, “Why not me?” I mean, I can come up with reasons, but I don’t want to let them stop me from trying this time. You never know what’s going to happen next so how could I be so sure I won’t be successful? I’m not quitting my day job right now, but I am going to start working on my writing more and putting myself out there for jobs. It’s a risk, and that’s a little scary, but sometimes you have to take risks to succeed. At the very least, I’m determined to write more and even if it’s not for TV right now, at least it’s a step in the right direction.
In the past few years it’s been harder to write, even simple things like blog posts. It became, “Will people like what I’m writing?” and “How many hits will this story get?” or possibly the worst one, “What will people think of me if I write that?” I would write and re-write everything. It had to be funny enough, but not cheesy. It had to be deep, but not too dark. I didn’t end up posting a lot of stuff I wrote due to this perfectionism. If something did get posted and didn’t get a lot of comments then I thought it wasn’t good enough and I’d get discouraged from writing anything more. In high school and college I was praised by teachers for having my own voice come through in my writing, but in all the trying to please others I think I lost my own writing style a bit. So, that’s something I’m going to work on. I guess I should also admit that even this post sat in a Word document for over a week before I actually posted it!
I’m not sure exactly what I’m going to write in this blog in the future, but I’m going to go with whatever pops into my head and I’m going to try to find my voice again. Not every post is going to be something that everyone likes. None of them will be perfect. This is just me. This blog might chronicle some of the career journey or whatever else is happening in my daily life, in addition to the fun (read: torture) of online dating, stories from my childhood, and any other random ideas that come into my head (probably a lot of pop culture things). I hope you enjoy!